First of all, I would like to thank all the readers who took the time to post a comment. It means more than you'll ever know. Again, THANK YOU. Before I get started on the next part I would just like to throw out a huge congratulations to AJ on his decision to move on in his life and live for him. Your the best. Secondly, I would like to welcome Mirrorboy back from his eye opening journey to Melbourne. Sounds like you had a gr8 time and some well deserved relaxation. Now on to the subject of this post.
As I began the 8th grade in my new school, it was definitly revitalizing to see in the first few months that I was able to remake my image and start anew. You see, back in those days, image was still a huge thing for me as I'm sure it is for the younger folks out here still today. As I progressed through the following 5 years up to and including graduation, I never had to deal with the extensive gay bashing issues that I had suffered through during the 7th grade.
After graduating from high school I went on to complete a year of college. At that time, I was so burned out and school and studying and the like that I choose to get out into the workforce to see if I could find a niche for myself. Bad mistake. What I should have done was to take a semester off and reevaluate my short and long term goals and then gone back.
During this downtime from college, I broached the subject of homosexuality with my parents, just trying to feel them out as to what their views on it were. I was floored to find out that they were of the far-right persuasion. Silly me. I should have known since we had been a church going family for as long as I can remember. At this point, I want to digress because I'm sure that there are a few of you out there who are scrathing your heads and going, "Gee whiz, you missed that one, eh. Dumbass." I just want you to remember that I had just spent 9 months away at college and had seen many new things that I was not used to seeing at home.
It was during this time that I had my one and only gay relationship and I was on cloud 9. That "feeling out" conversation that I was talking about earlier. Well, I had plans to come out to my parents at this point but the response was so negative that it threw me back into the closet where I have remained ever since. In hindsight, that is also probably a major contributing factor as to why I chose not to return to college in the fall. I was afraid to face the guy that I had been dating to tell him that I had chickened out.
More to come soon. Stay tuned.....
Maurice
13 hours ago
i face the same issues with my parents. it scares me into silence, and i wonder how i will be able to live a double life of being out to some people and not to others, especially people who are close to me. quite the mess. but, i know that i can't stay in the closet anymore. i need to make changes, and move on, and find a guy. maybe once that happens, and i have a guy who loves me, i will be able to tell my parents and other family members. coz at least at that point, i'll have someone who will ove me no matter what happens, and that will make being rejected by my family a little easier to take. you've got my sympathies mate.
ReplyDeleteyou know we go thru this life with decisions made because we are frozen in fear of coming out, and for good reason
ReplyDeletethese younger guys just have no idea of what life was like back then, in our soceity
take care and be safe
bob
Hello Highwayman,
ReplyDeleteI'm a bit late with the welcome (obviously), sorry, I'm finding it hard to keep up with everybody's posts atm! So, welcome to our little gay/bi community. I see you've already made friends with some wonderful people and I hope you continue to make many more!
Looking forward to Part 3. I didn't come out until I was your age and everybody was absolutely fine about it (and I mean everybody). I didn't receive a single negative response, lose any friends or get shunned by any family members. Of course, if my dad had still been alive I would probably still be in the closet even now (maybe)! He hated "queers" and "poofs" and I was regularly called that by him and a brother when I was young. I know he would have disowned me if he really knew for sure I was gay. I can imagine what he would have said... "I'm not having a f***ing poof living under my roof, so you can pack your bags and f**k off now!" Good times! Lol!
Anyway, thanks for linking my blog (you should have told me). I've linked yours and I'm following too!
Take care,
Col
I've been following your story and am waiting (im)patiently for part III.
ReplyDeleteWe all have a story to tell and, for most of us, there were probs with parents, though some have later resolved, at least partially. Parents are crucial to us as we grow up and often find it difficult to recognise that their sons and daughters become people in their own right.
mmmm, comin out to parents is a tough one - i know i wont ever tell my parents.. too much stress and pain etc.
ReplyDeleteits nice to read new blogs and hear how other people's lives r in comparison to mine (^.^)
btw, its sad to hear u got tormented for being who you are in yr7. It makes me realise how lucky i am to b out with friends (and for most my yr lvl to know im gaY) but not b bullied about it.